Waitley, recently had a playdate with a buddy of his who is similar in age. Let's call him J because I am not sure if his mom would want me to share his name. We picked J up from his house and were headed up the highway to our house. At some point in the past J learned that Ben was buried on our ranch and his grave could be seen from the road.
As we were approaching the turn off to Ben's grave, J asked, "Can you slow down a little when we get close? I would like to see where he is buried." I instantly thought, Oh, my goodness! How do I handle this situation for another child? My boys are perfectly content going to the grave, but what am I suppose to do with a little boy on a playdate who has made such a request?
I said, "Of course, I'll slow down." So I did, but he couldn't identify the grave from the highway - to be fair, it is quite a ways off of the highway. I told J I would head into the pasture a bit and point it out to him, but that we didn't need to go all the way up there. I tried to avoid going to the grave, but J really wanted to know where Ben was buried. He asked, "Can we just go up and see it?"
Our first stop on this playdate ended up being at Ben's grave - I wish it was somewhere normal, but it was not. J and Waitley got out of the car and there was a quietness. Waitley abruptly broke the silence as though walking through the gate was a playground vs. a cemetery. J approached timidly as if he didn't know where he could and could not step. Waitley bounded around as though this was a normal place to be. For us, it is.
J looked at the dirt square and said, "Waitley, I am so sorry your brother died?"
Waitley stated, "Me, too. I miss him a lot."
J replied, "I feel really bad for Ben, too. It would be more fun if he was alive."
This is where I gently stepped in and reminded J that Ben is so alive. "He is alive in heaven. He gets to be in the full presence of Jesus."
J, "I know, but I am sure it is still hard to not have him here."
"Buddy, that is absolutely true," was my response.
All of this simply broke my mama heart and I saw why the Lord so deeply loves children and wants them to come to him. The pureness, simpleness and raw honesty was refreshing to my soul.
This was one of the single kindest moments we have experienced since Ben died. Having someone ask one of my children if he can step into a hard place with him was a true gift. He recognized that he had pain and heartache and they went to the grave together.
This didn't take long, but it meant the world to Waitley. I saw someone innocently ask about the hard thing in our lives, recognize it, and step in to it.
When you don't know what to do, be like J and ask someone, "Can you slow down a little?" and step into their hard with them.
